its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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