wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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