Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
