I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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