My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sober January is a disaster.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
