She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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