My balls are so social today.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
