found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
