ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Buhtt sex?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
