He uses pillows to masturbate.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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