thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
