Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
