I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
