Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
