He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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