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Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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