Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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