I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
