dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
