tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
where are my eyebrows?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize