Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
