He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
