do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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