I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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