So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
