Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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