There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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