let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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