I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
