So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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