This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize