Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
what day is it and did you see me today?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
