apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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