Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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