I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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