Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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