3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We're using joints as your birthday candles
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
