just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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