I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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