Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
