Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
