The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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