I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize