Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize