its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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