Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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