clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
