i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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