Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize