and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
