did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
