I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
