he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
