Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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