3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
