I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
