the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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