You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
