Define "chronic" masturbator.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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