So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
