I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize