There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
