The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
