Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
