just come out here and I will go home with you...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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