This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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