I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
